iPod 6G To Include Parachute
October 22nd, 2005

CUPERTINO, CA-Apple announced today that its next generation iPod will include, in addition to a revamped exterior and a new, high resolution screen, a parachute.

“It's absolutely fantastic,” said Apple CEO Steve Jobs yesterday in a special presentation to investors. “Right out of the box, you can listen to music, share pictures, watch movies, watch a short, or even go for the all out experience with the parachute. This time, we think, our engineers have really outdone themselves.”

The iPod 6G uses the new iRelease system to initiate a pneumatic parachute release mechanism that deploys a full-size recreational one-man skydiving parachute.

“Immediately after introducing the iPod 5G, we began work on the 6G. We wanted to add dimensionality. We wanted to add fun. We wanted to design a player that was truly unique. And now I think we've accomplished that,” said Jobs. He held up the sleek new unit to the audience: “The 6G allows you to skydive or base jump while you enjoy your media. It's thin, it's really nice, and you can hold it in your hand like this. In the air, I can enjoy my music, photos, and movies completely uninterrupted. Truly amazing.” He proceeded to show a video of himself in the air with the new iPod.

Most critics of the new 6G express doubt of its reliability in the air. “There's no way of knowing whether the iRelease system consistently deploys a functional and strong chute,” said skydiving expert Dangerous Danny, a high school student at Newton South High School who normally sits next to Alex Chin in English class. He also voiced his concerns about how the device was not FAA tested and does not meet ANSI standards for civilian chute deployment delay and speed.

Jobs' response? “It just works.”