September 1st, 2006: College Claims the Lives of Nearly All of South's Class of 2006

July 1st, 2006: Administration Closes School to Avoid Further Ridicule

June 3rd, 2006: Boston Harbor Marine Life Massacred

June 3rd, 2006: NSHS Class of 2006 Celebrates End of School

May 20th, 2006: Faulty Smoke Detector Arrested

May 20th, 2006: Keegan Granted Emergency Powers, Dissolves Senate

May 6th, 2006: College Board to Offer New 'Selective Rescoring Service™'

April 24th, 2006: Tragedy Strikes Newton South (Again)

April 14th, 2006: Student Accepted to 17 Schools Shocked to Learn He Can Only Attend One

April 1st, 2006: Radish Bought by NSHS Administration

March 11th, 2006: Congress Nullifies Constitution

February 26th, 2006: Newton South Brings Back the Pillory

February 14th, 2006: Holographic Keegan Addresses Senior Class

January 28th, 2006: Principal Unveils Plan to Reduce Class Sizes

January 28th, 2006: Sudden Epidemic Sweeps Through Class of 2006

January 14th, 2006: Sox Fan No Longer Wants To Have Johnny Damon's Babies

December 31st, 2005: Intelligent Designer Apologizes for Errors

December 17th, 2005: STFU

December 17th, 2005: College Essay

December 3rd, 2005: Moth Army Invades New England

November 19th, 2005: Goodwin Secedes from Union

November 19th, 2005: Newton South Fails Reaccreditation

November 5th, 2005: Newton South Mission Statement

November 5th, 2005: H-Block Extended For NEASC Interview Training

October 22nd, 2005: iPod 6G To Include Parachute

October 22nd, 2005: God Hates Newton South High School

October 8th, 2005: Classroom Reaches Singularity

September 24th, 2005: Backpacks Complain about Increasing Size of Freshmen

September 24th, 2005: Research Shows Freshmen Getting More Annoying

September 10th, 2005: Pool Changes Floors: Confusion Ensues

September 10th, 2005: The Radish Emerges from Beta

August 26th, 2005: Teen Hospitalized After Camp Story Marathon

August 12th, 2005: Radish Staff AWOL

July 29th, 2005: Geeks Found Stupid Comedy Website