The College Entrance Examination Board will be offering a new service for anxious high school students trying to improve their scores on the SAT* and AP exams. Students taking the SAT in June will find a sixth option on their answer sheets, which will now read "A B C D E $" for the multiple choice section. Test-takers unsure of the correct answer will be able to select the last option, allowing them to pay a reasonable fee of $16 to have the problem automatically marked correct. Still under development is a system to allow students to add the dollar signs into their essays.
"I am immensely pleased that my wonderful daughter will now be able to get the 2400 that she so richly deserves," said Timothy Winchester, noted Boston-area billionaire. Others affected by the change are not so enthusiastic. "Now I've got a dilemma," said Will Fine, a junior at Newton South High School. "Do I buy a BMW and go to Bunker Hill Community College, or stick with my '87 Ford and get the score I'll need to get into Tufts?"
Students who took the SAT today will not benefit from the Selective Rescoring Service™, but will be free to retake the test if they are not satisfied with their results. "I paid $69.95 for that online prep course, $41.50 for the test itself (plus the $21 late fee), $81 to send scores to my 13 colleges, $50 to have my score checked over (don't want my precious score screwed up), and $10 because I absolutely must have that answer sheet." said Georgina Stevens, a sophomore at Newton North High School. "Now my daddy wants me to take the test again!"
The College Board was ready to refute the inevitable criticism that the new service gives an unfair advantage to more privileged test-takers. "The SAT Reasoning Test is designed to predict the performance of students entering college," said Gaston Caperton, the College Board's president. "Recent studies have shown that current socioeconomic status is the best predictor of success in college and later in life." Caperton explained that the new service is simply intended to add an economic component to the test.
"As always," said Caperton. "The College Board remains committed to ensuring the fairness and integrity of all its examinations."
*SAT and AP are registered trademarks of the College Entrance Examination Board, which was not involved in the production of and does not endorse this fine piece of journalistic excellence.