Tragedy Strikes Newton South (Again)
April 24th, 2006

As the principal's emotional voice came on the loudspeaker, the school went silent. “Please excuse the interruption. This is Dr. Keegan. I am sorry to inform you that this day will go down as a day of infamy in the history of Newton South High School,” said the school's principal, Brenda Keegan. She continued after a pause, “A tragedy has occurred.”

The sound of Keegan blowing her nose could be heard as students looked around at each other, wondering what catastrophe could have struck so soon after the infamous basketball game incident.

“Our glorious mission statement has been defaced,” proclaimed Keegan, confirming the worst fears of many anxious students. “Several unapproved posters have been sighted on the walls of the school, displaying a false and atrocious mockery of the important document that is already beginning to shape this school as a community,” Keegan explained.

“Oh no!” said Miriam Leshin. “Oh No!” said Sam Carus. “Oh NO!” said Jearl Resnick. “OH YEAHH” added the Kool-Aid Guy.

Other students were similarly appalled. Senior Jim Stokes expressed his horror at the concept that anyone would try to undermine the administration, while freshman Ben Finch said, “I can't believe these people aren't taking our mission statement seriously.”

The administration issued a statement later in the day offering candy to anyone with information on the source of this defacement of intellectual property. The only immediately evident lead is a small logo on the bottom of the posters with a web address which was quickly added to the blacklist for unacceptable websites to be viewed from school computers.

The administration quickly scheduled a pep rally in the afternoon so that it could be canceled in order to make the impact of the crime more immediate to all the students who had nothing to do with it.