Bowing under years of pressure from critics worldwide, the intelligent designer of the universe admitted that creation does have some flaws.
“No design is perfect, and this one did regrettably have its fair share of flaws,” explained the designer at a press conference yesterday. In light of this admission, the designer has released an official list of errors in the design of the universe.
The Radish staff has compiled and commented on some highlights of this list, which are reprinted here with permission from the law offices of Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe.
- Wisdom teeth — Crowding as many teeth as possible into the mouth was bad policy.
- Pi — Far too many digits.
- Narwhals — Must have been a tooth-growing experiment gone wrong.
- Cnemidophorus Lizards — Creating a species of all-female lizards that have fake sex sounded hot. It isn't.
- Sinuses — A drainage system that works would've been better.
- Testicles — Sorry guys.
- Funny “bone” — Bad joke.
- Coccyx — Worthless: But it has a funny name.
- Appendices — Worthless: Just get infected.
- Tonsels — Worthless: Just get infected.
- George W. Bush — Worthless: Just invades countries.
When reporters swarmed the podium, shouting questions about why Microsoft, ginkgo fruit, Hanson, and others were absent from the list, the designer replied, “Oh yeah, I forgot to add one thing: the media.”